Unicorn You Curse Too Much Bitch You Breathe Too Much Shut The Fuck Up Shirt

 We always called them assplosions. On my very first father's day, my wife was letting me sleep in - which was a pretty amazing thing. My son was about a month old, and she had gotten up to change his diaper. The changing table in his room was near the door and the way we had supplies arranged meant that his butt was pointed toward the door. I hear my wife say "Uh, honey... I need some help". Apparently, just as she removed my son's diaper, the little guy decided to let one go and ended up shooting poo about three feet into the hallway. Most memorable Father's day to date. Ugh one day. One day you get up and the baby doesn’t greet you with this huge baby smile like you’re the best thing in the world! And you never know when the last day is. One day they’re just standing up in their crib and looking around and the world and not you. And now I’m crying. My nephew lives in another country but that little dude that I've known since he was a baby is now already 9 but obv we still get sent cute pictures and videos, but damn, imagine if you couldn't have that, we only see him about twice a year max. And corona did not help. Sometimes I curse phones but damn, the positives are there.

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