Boner Donor Red Shirt

 Snakes do not want to be anywhere near humans. 99% of the time they will be gone before you get within ten feet of them, and most of the time you don’t know it. If you startle a large or venomous snake that knows it can hold its own, then it might stay there and rattle, hiss, appear threatening in order to scare you off. Just give it some space and you’ll be fine. Baring your teeth at it will do jack shit, but there is no situation where a snake would chase/hunt someone bigger than a baby. Geladas are pretty chill all things considered, but even primates of a similar size will take your challenge and rip your friggin arm off and beat you with the sticky end. Think about like baboons or howler monkeys or pig tailed macaques or mandrills. Could a single monkey kill you? Probably not. Unfortunately, they don't tend to line up and attack one at once like the bad guys in a cheap action film. They live in big groups, and if you make your war face at one, you make your war face at all. Definitely don't do this to gorillas or chimps. Nope. Nope. Nope. Orangs are less confrontational, but that's probably because they're pretty solitary and also arboreal. They still give you one hell of a squeaky bum if they're playing terrify the tourists by pretending to lunge, and that's definitely without any eye contact, let alone war face.

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