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 Ugh, I can’t articulate what happened. I am able to express my emotions in my dreams but when awake I disassociate (or refuse to even think about) in order to not feel afraid or depressed, as her and my dads death were back to back and both very traumatic. Watching someone you love die from cancer is insanely difficult. You would do anything to make it stop. However, seeing it makes acceptance easier too, as now their suffering is over. Well, my pain is worse again and my migraines are back. I need a breakthrough. I’m depressed for sure and feeling scared all the time. (I don’t know of what, the fleetingness of life perhaps or knowing not to make plans. They had lots of plans for retirement and both died at 65!)) Edit: wow lots of edits as I’m unhappy with how this came out. I truly Think the upcoming burial is making me worse. I don’t want to bury them anymore but I have to respect my mother’s wishes. I just recently picked them up from my sister's house and I am really enjoying having them with me. It sounds strange but it’s comforting. Anyway, Thank you guys so much! I never imagined my posts would blow up like this. I can’t ty enough for the support and guidance and for just sharing your experiences with me. You have all been VERY helpful! And patient as I rambled on lol. I doubt they will ban gay marriage, even with a 5/4 conservative majority. The arguments are too strong in favor of(legally, logically, pragmatically, popularly, empathically, constitutionally, etc), and the public support is too high. It also basically bothers no one unless you view your right to be annoyed or offended to be a human right (it is 100% not).

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